i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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