We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
