wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
