so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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