I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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