You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
