wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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