You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
