shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
