Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
