u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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