He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
