I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Randomize