She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
