the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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