that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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