dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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