Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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