just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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