put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
