tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize