I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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