Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
