Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
