I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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