it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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