just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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