You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
