So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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