I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
