are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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