Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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