this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
