my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
