I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
