Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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