He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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