Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize