So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Acid is not a monday night drug
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
