my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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