I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
