drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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