I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
