Screwed.edu
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
