I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize