well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
