Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
