So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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