butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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