Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
