peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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