It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize