I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
