the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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