none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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