hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
