people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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