I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
