So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
