Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She even gives head with a lisp.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
