Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
