i love accidental penises.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
