she looked like the before picture.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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