ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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