At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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