So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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