Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
