And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
