i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
