1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
