i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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