Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
