Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you would pick up someone in the library
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
