ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
