I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
